It can seem like a bit of a learning curve when you’re having sex with someone new. First, there’s the sense of the unknown and the lack of experience with this person — but it’s also the fact that what works with one partner doesn’t always translate into another.
“We all come with our own sexual history and we can draw from previous experiences, but no two people are the same,” sexologist Dr. Megan Stubbs, tells Bustle. If you’re having sex with someone for the first time, it can make a huge difference if you touch base on your preferences with a quick conversation beforehand.
“Assess your expectations and align them with your partner,” says Dr. Michael Reitano, MD, a physician in residence at sexual health company Ro. “Talking about sex doesn’t have to be a dry conversation about logistics. The truth is the preparation for sex allows the participants to begin to imagine what is to come and build positive sexual tension all while stressful details are shed.”
Once you have a sense of each other, the sex itself serves as a time to experiment, negotiate, and feel each other out. If you’re anxious, pick great sex positions where you feel comfortable and supported — as well as ones that don’t involve anything too fancy. Here’s what you can try.
1Modified Doggy
How To Do It: Lay on your stomach and use your arms to prop you up slightly as your partner enters you from behind. You can put a pillow under your hips if that feels easier — or start in doggy and lower yourself down from there.
Why It Helps: It’s intense and intimate, but it doesn’t include any of that eye contact that might feel too intense for a first hookup. It’s also a great position to get comfortable in and stay in for a while.
2On Top
How To Do It: With your partner sitting up, straddle their hips and slowly lower yourself down. Focus on grinding, bouncing, or whatever feels best.
Why It Helps: If you love just straight cowgirl, go for it — but this variation, with your partner leaning against the wall and drawing their knees up to help support you, is a bit of a gentler option.
3Spooning
How To Do It: Lay on your side with your partner behind you. Your hips should be slightly higher than theirs. As you lift your top leg, they should be able to enter you from behind. This can also be done with a strap-on. To get a good fit, feel free to move around and try a few different angles — and maybe some lube.
Why It Helps: This may be an intense and intimate position, but it’s one that most partners will be able to get into quite easily. You can focus on the sensation and feeling close without having to stare directly at their face.
4In A Chair
How To Do It: While your partner sits in a chair, straddle their hips and lower yourself down. If you’re feeling more adventurous — or even a little shy — you can try it facing away from them.
Why It Helps: It’s a position that brings you close together, but also one that’s easy to get into and stay into so you don’t have to deal with a lot of fumbling around. Most people know this position, so you also won’t have to explain.
5Sofa Brace
How To Do It: In this variation, traditional doggy style gets a twist. You can position yourself at the edge of a couch and drape yourself over the arm or the back. Lift your hips so your partner can get behind you — then relax.
Why It Helps: If you want to get a little wilder, this position edges you toward doggy, but it still gives you a little more control if you’re worried doggy with a new partner will be too intense. It’s also an easy one to find yourself in after watching a movie.
6Coital Alignment Technique
How To Do It: When in doubt, you can always go for a traditional missionary style. This tried and true method is a good one for two people who don’t know each other well. From there, you could take it a step further by lifting your knees up higher and hiking them around your partner’s hips.
Why It Helps: This simple twist on missionary will help give you more pelvic alignment and clitoral stimulation. It’s a great way to enjoy yourself with a new partner while showing them that you know a thing or two. Hot.
7Modified 69
How To Do It: Start by lying next to each other with your heads facing opposite directions. From there, shimmy so your bits are closer to each other’s face, and then get comfortable while you do your thing.
Why It Helps: Sticking to oral sex with a new partner is a good way to learn how they like to be stimulated. This variation will also allow you both to be comfortable and relaxed so you can really focus on the task at hand.
Sex with a new partner might make you feel nervous, and that’s totally common. To ease into the hookup try to stick with positions in your comfort zone and, most importantly, keep the communication flowing.
