t’s a fact of life that when a woman gets into bed with a man, she is prepared for at least one of these\u00a0three things to happen: 1. She will feel self-conscious in some way.\u00a02. Her experience will be short and kind of sh*tty; and 3. She will not finish. (She will not even come\u00a0close).\n

When I first explained this\u00a0depressing reality to a guy a few weeks ago, he was\u00a0baffled. Completely baffled. Sex had been amazing\u00a0for him since his senior prom! How is it possible, he wondered, that it’s rare for a woman to experience sex that’s even mediocre?\n

In addition to appearing shocked, he also seemed to feel sort of bad. Like\u00a0he, as both an individual and as a collective representation of all dudes, had failed. So after realizing how genuinely confused this well-intentioned guy was, I decided to ask women\u00a0what guys can do to actually make sex better for us.\n

I surveyed 100 women, ages 19 to 50, about what\u00a0makes a guy good in bed. I provided the women\u00a0with a list of 15 actions\u00a0that guys can do and told them to rank each action as either “not important,” “somewhat important” or\u00a0“very important” in\u00a0determining if he’s good in bed or not. Then, at the end of the survey, I asked if they had anything else to add to the list that I may have missed.\n

And BOY, did the\u00a0ladies come through.\u00a0So guys, hopefully these results will help you all\u00a0kill it in the sack.\n

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Engage In Foreplay\n
STOP SKIPPING THIS STEP. A\u00a0whopping 86% of women said it’s very important that you\u00a0engage in foreplay, which includes making out, licking our boobs, and fingering us.\n
It can also include\u00a0kissing\/caressing other non-sexual parts of our body, such as our neck, fingers, and forehead, as 90% of women said it’s somewhat or very important that you do this.\n
Did I tell you to stop skipping this step yet? Yes? Well, I’m going to repeat it anyway.\u00a0STOP SKIPPING THIS STEP.\n
Go Down On Us\n
A lesbian friend of mine once told me that she couldn’t believe how infrequently men go down on women. And she’s right. You guys just don’t do it. Which is unfortunate, because\u00a0we actually\u00a0want\u00a0you to:\u00a082% of women said it’s somewhat or very important\u00a0that you go down on us.\n
If you’re unsure if she wants it, just see what happens when you\u00a0head down south. If she stops you, then you’ll have your answer. But according to these results, she’ll probably want it.\n
Be In Good Physical Shape\n
90% of women said it’s somewhat or very important\u00a0that\u00a0you have\u00a0enough stamina and energy to not get tired too easily in bed. (Don’t worry about going MULTIPLE rounds, though \u2014 only 32% of women said that’s very important).\n
When I say “good physical shape,” by the way, I don’t mean you need to have a six-pack. I just mean\u00a0you don’t have to\u00a0get up for a water break every five minutes. In fact, a distinctly thin guy with great arms whom I used to date\u00a0couldn’t have sex for\u00a0longer than five minutes without doing just that. And\u00a0let me tell you: It was not sexy.\n
The good news here is that you don’t have to worry\u00a0about finishing\u00a0too quickly. Only 33% of women said it’s very important that you’re able to withhold your\u00a0orgasm for a long time. So if you finish\u00a0in two minutes\u00a0but still\u00a0have enough energy to\u00a0continue hooking up, you’re good.\n
Take Control & Spice Things Up\n
We want you to dominate us and keep the experience interesting: 96% of women said it’s somewhat or very important\u00a0that you take control in bed, and\u00a086% of women said it’s somewhat or very important that you have sex with us\u00a0in positions that aren’t missionary.\n
In addition to varying up the positions, we want you to\u00a0vary up the tempo\/rhythm, too. In the open-ended responses, several\u00a0women said they don’t want to be jackhammered the whole time (because duh, and also ow).\u00a0One woman suggested you throw in “some shallow thrusts.”\n
Lightly Roughhouse Us\n
In your quest to take control, feel free to be a little rough with us. 75% of women this is\u00a0somewhat to very important, so things like hair-pulling, mild\u00a0slapping and the like is OK (with consent, obv).\n
Note that I said\u00a0lightly,\u00a0guys. Don’t\u00a0bruise us, please.\n
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PG-Level Dirty Talk Us\n
Be careful with dirty talk. Over half of women (53%) said it’s not important that you tell us you want to f*ck our wet pussy, or whatever. So maybe err on the side\u00a0of caution and don’t say things like that.\n
However, if you DO\u00a0want to dirty talk, 74% of women think it’s somewhat important or very important that you say PG-level things like “you’re so hot.” Try that instead.\n
Make Us Orgasm\n
73% of women said it’s very important that you\u00a0make us orgasm. This is a given,\u00a0but it’s worth repeating.\n
Know When To Stop Trying If An Orgasm Isn\u2019t Going To Happen\n
Vaginas are fickle. They’re not as easy\u00a0to work with as dicks are. Which means even if you do\u00a0every single thing on this list and you do it right, an orgasm may not happen anyway.\n
This is crucial for you guys to realize,\u00a0as 89% of women said it’s somewhat or very important that you know\u00a0when to stop trying to make us orgasm if it’s just not going to happen. Because sometimes \u2014 while we really do appreciate the effort! \u2014 if you’re trying too hard down there, it starts to feel too sensitive and hurt. And then you will go from\u00a0“good in bed” to “get me the f*ck out of this bed\u00a0as soon as possible.”\n
Cuddle After\n
A few\u00a0women in their open-ended responses said that\u00a0the\u00a0“post-sex interaction” is vital. We want you to cuddle with us after.\u00a0Clich\u00e9, yes, but true.\n
One woman stressed the importance of also knowing when to leave us alone when the cuddling is over. So be in sync with that as well.\n
Listen To Feedback\n
84% of women said it’s very important that you adjust\u00a0your actions according to our feedback, whether that feedback is verbal or non-verbal (via our physical responses or our body language). This is so crucial\u00a0that SEVERAL\u00a0of the open-ended responses at the end of the survey repeated the importance\u00a0of\u00a0being open to feedback.\n
Whenever I’ve tried to give feedback to guys before, they’ve taken it like\u00a0an insult. But this needs to end. Don’t be an egotistical jerk\u00a0to a woman who tries to tell you what she’s into. Her feedback is for YOUR benefit, too.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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